Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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