He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize