I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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