Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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