There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
