SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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