your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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