My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
