All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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