I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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