sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
