Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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