So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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