You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
