I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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