Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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