just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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