The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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