im drinking this country out of the recession.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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