Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
