dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
