just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
