I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
