I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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