Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
