you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
