Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
