She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
