cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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