names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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