I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
