thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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