He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
