I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
