That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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