first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
