It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
