the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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