he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
