I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
