I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
