i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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