He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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