When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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