Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Semen is not good for contacts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
