Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
