It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
