I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
