I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
