Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
