i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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