Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
this is an emotional support booty call
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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