i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
