You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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