I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
