I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can I color on your dick again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
