Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
