Please, let me fuck your mom
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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