i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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