I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ketchup is God's man juice
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
