i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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