Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
