but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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