So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize