I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
