He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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