My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
