That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
