is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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