Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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