Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
