You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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