I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize