Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
