Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
