Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
