hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
