we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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