God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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