We're facebook friends in real life
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
