Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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