last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
