I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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