A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
