There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
