He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
