It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
