these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
