i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize