I cannot find my penis.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
