Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
