Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
