i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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