News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
