are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
