I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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