You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
