Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
