No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
