Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
