I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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