It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
