I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize