I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
