My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
