Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
