you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
