you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I color on your dick again?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
