How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
